Three Weeks

Three weeks until I leave for college. It's been my number one goal for the past year, and what everything I've done has revolved around. But now that it's almost here, I have all these feelings I can't figure out. I don't feel extremely scared or nervous when I think about it, but I have nervous feelings like I am scared. Does that make sense? I don't get panicky thinking about it, but my stomach has butterflies. I am so done with this town, but I don't know how I'll handle leaving it. I'm not sure what it is, but I feel like I want to stay. But I don't know what for. My parents and I have been getting a long off and on, but they weren't there for me when I needed them most this year, and I don't know how to just let it go. I know they've given me so much, and given up so much to give it to me, but it doesn't disguise the fact that I don't like them that much, and I don't want to be around people who act like they did. I've never been one for doing something just because you're supposed to or everyone else does, and that includes being around people I don't want to. I'll miss them for the safety net they give, but the freedom I have to learn and grow will be more than worth it. I'm also leaving the only girl I've ever loved, but we cut ties long ago and all I've done in the year since is deeply regret it. Getting away from that should make me happy, and in my head it does. But no matter how hurt or depressed I've been, leaving the place where it all happened and where she will be still kills me. I've cut ties with pretty much everyone here, and I don't have a lot of fond memories of recent times, from working a job I haven't enjoyed to being harassed at school when I went. I appreciate what I've gone through, but I am so ready for my life to move on. Why do I not feel that way? Three weeks to find my answer.